//. Unlimited

My mom really enjoys growing plants.

If someone were to know her well, he would get her an orchid for a gift. Not only are they plants, but they are challenging to keep. Her senses perk at the presence of challenges; orchids are a great combination of two of her favorite things.

This morning, I woke up and looked at the tree that my mother has been growing for the past few years. It sits at an unlikely corner at the back of our dining room. I noticed its peak for the first time. I couldn't have sworn it looked as puzzled as it did today, but it outgrew the heights of our ceiling and is now awkwardly growing horizontally. Reminds me of Alice in Wonderland when Alice had no room to grow inside the White Rabbit's house. It got to the point where her limbs had to bend and pop out every which way. Much like Alice, the tree looks sad -- almost pathetic, from my point of view.

When I lived in South Korea, an old man by a lake (apologies for sounding so oriental and vague all of the sudden) once told me that a goldfish has the ability to grow accordingly to its environment. If one keeps his or her little fishy in a tiny bowl with no flourishing decoration or room, it has but a tiny life ahead, both physically and metaphorically. I recalled this story a while back when I was shopping for new running shoes. I was sized to be 9.5 the year before, and 8.5 then. I thought I must have been an alien or something (naturally), but the friendly Asics man enlightened me that it is probably due to the way I wear my shoes too tightly. They had no room to grow, so much so that they actually shrunk.

Again, I recall the old man's story now... as I continue to gaze upon this wretched tree that silently panics to get out of here. My mom told me that she plans on moving it to her workplace soon, where there's much more open space. I bet that if this tree had a face, it'd light up so fast at the sound of that.

I think this old man's relatively logical phenomenon (which I am more than confident that there is an official phrasing for, but for now this will do) is applicable in many senses. I think about my faith, how I've kept God in a box. If I did not attend an institution like Hope College and spend the past three years throwing myself in places where I knew I'd be vulnerable and completely dependent upon my faith, my relationship with Christ would not be the same. Not to say that I never would have discovered the Truth on my own, but the journey definitely would have looked different. Without my desire to expand horizons or test what I believe, my faith system would still be lingering between MTV and what my best girl friends had to say. Unproductive.

I also think about my future, how I've kept my potential in my own hands. I had a neatly aligned plan set for myself prior to even graduating high school. I was going to take enough AP classes to graduate at the University of Michigan in three years. If U of M seemed too close to home by the end of my senior year, I was going to attend University of Pittsburgh where I would still graduate in three with a BA in Psychology, go straight into grad school across the street at Carnegie Melon University and hopefully get enough research and experience in before receiving a Ph.D back at U of M at the age of thirty. This was idyllic in my adolescent mind, for I was still young enough for kids but old enough not to mess it up. This, also, makes me laugh at who I once was.

Little did I know there is so much more to life than
jobs
money
2.5 children ratio
living in this world's standards.

I was made for bigger things, different things. Change the world kind of things -- we all are. Whether that means quite literally the world, or one person's world. I realized that this life is not meant to be lived for his or her own. I needed a realm bigger than what my own head and hands allowed me to craft. God has always had a bigger plan in store. I was meant to live for Him. This journey is unlimited.

I think of how my mother plans on taking the tree to a greater environment, more suitable for its current speed of growth, so that maybe it can grow out of its awkwardness and get back into shape again. Because right now, it's not upward bound, only sideways... lingering in things already seen and been. It's not inching closer to the Sun that provides. I then wonder what God is actively thinking of my growth and what He wants to do with my path. I realized within the past few years that you shouldn't get cozy with the idea of simply being comfortable or satisfied with where you're at. Because this leaves no room for growth. And if you are not growing, isn't everything that is being invested into you but a waste, being disrespected and dismissed? Who puts seeds into the ground simply to just keep it there with no hope for at least one to sprout?

If one is made for the city, one should not stick around in a place like my hometown. If one has a big voice, it should not be kept on mere Faeebook statuses. If one thinks he or she can make a better president than X, Y, and Z, I am very upset at them for not having the guts to do something about it.

Because to go out into the bigger pond is kind of like jumping into Lake Superior (where all my native Michiganders at? ;), everything is colder, deeper, larger... but it's also cleaner... if you do it right. It might be hard, and it's quite honestly scary. But who says when they're a little child, "mom, I want to live a long, sustained, mediocre life with very little latent value"? Maybe the coldness isn't actually the temperature, but your mindset.

I am God's orchid plant. I easily know I am not the most maintainable. But He knew what He was dealing with the moment He made me from the miry clay. And shoot, He loves me for this is who I am. For that, I am ever grateful.